She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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