covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
