let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
