When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
