The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
