tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
