You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
