Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
