I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i can't believe i had my finger in that
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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