I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
