I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
