I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The feeling are messing with the penis
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
