Who wears a wallet chain?!
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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