I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
