just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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