i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
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