They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
