I heard we made out
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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