We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
