I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
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