I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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