I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
