Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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