i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
