this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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