Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
