Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
