All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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