My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
