maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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