I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
