There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
