there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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