Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
