I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Sober January is a disaster.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
