So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
