Banned from zoo.
Again?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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