i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
