Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
