You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
