i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
