my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
