So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
