we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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