i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
