You don't have asthma, your pregnant
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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