I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I can't put those talents on a resume
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
