I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
