my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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