U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
